Decade

I planned an entire post, recollecting on that tragic day ten years ago. Everyone has their story. But I think I'm going to cut it short and just speak about how the events of September 11th has made more of an impact on my life than I had ever imagined.

In the ninth grade, our history teacher spoke to us about the war and how he predicted it to be over in a couple of months. I had no idea that this same war would call on my husband who I had not yet met to serve. I did not know that I would spend many sleepless and lonely nights worrying about him. And I definitely did not predict to encounter so many others who will be deployed or even killed. There are people who are impacted by 9/11 every single day of their lives, not just today by an anniversary.

It amazes me when people complain about the new security protocol at airports, as if taking your shoes off and putting them in a plastic bin is really that much of a hassle. So what if you can no longer bring in liquids over three ounces? I don't even mind those x-ray machines if it means the prevention of a repeat attack. It's important to not forget the big picture here.

I am so grateful for men and women like my husband who are selflessly defending our country so that we don't have to relive that tragic day. Let's use this day to not only remember those who lost their lives, but to also thank the heroes who are still so sacrificing so much today.

Today and everyday, I am proud to be married to a Soldier.

Be Thou At Peace

Another edit: Please follow this link for Jordan's obituary. 


Edit: I realized today that my blog is the first thing that pops up when you Google Jordan's name. I'm terribly sorry to those looking for some sort of explanation to what happened as I do not know any details. For those grieving this great Soldier's death, I hope you can find some relief in the fact that you are not alone. I also hope that soon there will be press releases and news articles about Jordan instead of my blog as the top search result. He and his family deserve better.

A friend of The Hubby's from West Point was killed in Afghanistan yesterday. Spc. Jordan Morris was only 23 years old. We both found out about his death through our news feed on Facebook. What a way to find out such a thing.

I was in shock and in disbelief, so much so that I even tried to Google his name to see if this was indeed true. There was not a single article on his life or death. How is it that the passing of such a loved Soldier is not considered newsworthy?

I spent a few minutes crying uncontrollably. I had met Jordan May 2009 at The Hubby's graduation. He held the American flag while The Hubby and his best friend were being sworn in as Officers at Trophy Point. 

Although I probably only had thirty minutes of interaction with Jordan, he left a lasting impression on me. He was extremely outgoing, and I saw his admiration towards his two friends who had just graduated. I could tell that he was trying to say everything he could during the last moments he had with his buddies before they went on with their lives. Who knew when they would be able to see each other again?

I loved watching this interaction between my husband and another cadet friend, especially one that was younger. He seemed like such a kid to me, even though he was a few months older. It felt as if he was this little brother trying to get approval. Even in the short amount of time I spent with him, I could tell he had a wonderful sense of humor. 

I was somewhat surprised by my reaction this morning as I didn't truly know Jordan that well. I thought about his family and how they would have to try to overcome this great loss. I also thought about my husband.

Do I bring up Jordan's death to The Hubby or will he mention it first? If he doesn't say something, should I?

I wanted to be there for him, even if all I could do was hug him and sit by him. Instead, I had to comfort him over the internet. What could I possibly say to make this situation better? I knew he would be in pain, which made me feel pain. That's what happens when you get married to someone you love so much. You go through the same emotions. Hurt to happiness. You are one person.

And, of course, this just struck a little too close to home. The possibility of The Hubby getting harmed or killed has not been forgotten. Instead, I chose to push that to the back of my mind. I don't think that is an ignorant thing to do, but rather I think it is a survival mechanism. 

So many of our friends are deployed, and it terrifies me. How many more deployments will there be and can we all--those in the States and overseas--survive them?

Peonies

I splurged $5 for a bunch of pale pink peonies today. Peonies are my absolute favorite flower. Something about their delicate petals and the intricate way they fall together makes me swoon. I don't know how to describe the feeling I get when I see these beautiful flowers. The sight of them simply makes me happy. Peonies are more elegant than I will ever be.

Although I know that they will just die in a few days, especially in my warm home, I felt like I needed them in my household. I've placed them on my coffee table so that I can glance at them as I watch television or peer over my laptop.

My husband recently returned to Iraq after two wondrous weeks together. I will not see him again for another seven to eight months. I'm slightly confused by my emotions at this time. I must say that I am completely accustomed to saying goodbye at airport terminals. We have been at it for six years now. With Bella in the backseat, I dropped him off at the airport teary-eyed, but still resilient.

I kissed him numerous times, not wanting it to be our last. Embraces are always too short at these moments. My husband tried to say goodbye to Bella through the window, but she was so excited to be in the car that she barely let him pet her. This made me upset. Didn't she know that he was leaving?

How many times can I say, "I love you" before he would finally have to walk away?

He didn't look back at us. I always wait to see if he will look back, but he never does. I'm relieved that he didn't this time because I know that him seeing me in tears would have just make the situation even more difficult. It's important for me to remain strong for my husband so that he can fully focus on himself in a war zone.

I cried for no more than five minutes. I bawled only for five minutes. And then I pulled my shit together and drove the ten minutes home. I didn't crawl back into bed. I just went about my day. I had some ice cream before noon, but other than that my day was relatively normal.

I slept later than usual that night. My husband and I discussed our late sleeping habits--me in Texas and him in Iraq. "I don't want it to be the next day." Although we would be one day closer to seeing each other again, we didn't want to spend another day away from each other.

The first few days are always the easiest for me. In my mind, he is simply as work and I will see him soon. But some things trigger an uncontrollable emotional response.

I noticed some loose change in the cup holder of our car today. The Hubby always drops his coins there. Little things like that make me think of him and my heart drops. Today, I am thankful that he does not consistently throw his dirty clothes in the hamper. I found myself digging through his closet this evening to find something that smelled like him.

He purchased some bath gel in a "manly scent" at Bath & Body Works while he was home. That scent still lingers on the Fahrenheit 451 shirt he wore more than a week ago. It brings me comfort and a tinge of sadness with each sniff.

I miss my husband. We are in a perpetual long distance relationship. We know nothing else. But we are great together, even when we are thousands of miles apart.

Catch My Breath

source

RORY: I can’t catch my breath.                                        JESS: You’re not supposed to.

Why FRG Meetings Are Good

Free Girl Scout Cookies. I turned them down the first time. The second time, I was not so stupid.

Hi, I'm Calling From...

As well as being a FRG co-leader, I am also a Key Caller for our company. The role of a Key Caller is to quickly disseminate information when necessary. A Key Caller also acts as someone who handles situations at their level before it has to get to the FRG leader. Can you imagine being responsible for answering questions for over 130 families?

Most of my Key Callers have ten families on their roster. One wonderful gal has twenty because she wanted more. I have about seventeen. I've been making phone calls to each soldier's person of contact (POC) for the past week and a half, and it has been frustrating to say the least.

It's amazing to me that some people neglect to let their FRG know when they move. If we don't have the right information for you on file, then how will we be able to reach you if some disaster happens (knock on wood)? Even getting the right phone number is tricky business. Give us the right phone number, people! We aren't going to sell your information or anything like that. We just want to be able to reach you!

And it also surprises me how many people don't return phone calls. I have left about eight messages and only one person has returned my call. Sure, if I were trying to sell you something then I would understand you erasing my message right away/ But I'm calling from your grandson's/son's/cousin's/husband's unit. Aren't you at all concerned about what I have to say?

When I finally get somebody to speak to me, I am typically shocked by the bad manners I encounter. I understand that receiving a phone call from a complete stranger is awkward, but it is just as awkward for me, too. Do you think I want to call you? Do you think I get paid for this shit? I don't want to take up a lot of your time so can you at least be polite during our three-minute conversation?

But, thankfully, I also get to speak to family members who are easy to speak to. The nice ones are typically parents or grandparents. I can tell that they are just itching to talk to somebody else who can relate to what they are going through. They are the ones who thank me for what I am doing and ask me how I am doing.

"Thank you for your service. How are you doing? Sometimes people forget to ask how you're doing because you're always asking how everyone else is. I want to make sure that somebody is watching out for you."

Thank you, father of one of the soldiers in the company! Why, yes, sir! It is rather nice to know that somebody else cares. Because my soldier is deployed, too, dangit!

I know I sound like a completely awful person at this point, but I'm just really frustrated. I'm upset at people who are ungrateful for all the behind the scenes work we do for them. I'm astounded by the horrible manners some have over the phone. Is this because everyone texts now? Or am I just a ridiculously nice person who is thinking too highly of the human race?

To Do List Before The Hubby Comes Home

My husband is coming home for his R&R really soon and there's loads that I have to do in preparation for his arrival:

1. Scrub down bathroom. Pick up all the hair I've shed and didn't bother to pick up since there's no one else to disgust but myself.
2. Shave.
3. Recycle four month's worth of cardboard, Coke Zero cans, and bottles
4. Stock up the fridge and pantry with Paleo friendly items.
5. Make homemade Larabars and Paleo chocolate chip cookies.
6. Work out daily and stick with my diet. Today has been exempted.
7. Wash the sheets and make the bed.
8. Vacuum, sweep, and steam mop the floors.
9. Give Bella a bath.
10. Furminate Bella.
11. Swiffer again.
12. Clean the rest of the house.
13. Wipe down the car.
14. Clean the air filter.
15. Do laundry, including the sofa seat covers.
16. Paint my nails.
17. Figure out how to make my hair look good.
18. Attempt to sleep even though I will most likely be overcome with excitement.
19. Learn how to walk in heels.

I can't wait!

Back to School

Last month, my co-leader and I went to a couple of night courses on post in order to obtain certification to be FRG Leaders. We were given a huge pile of reading material and resources.

This is all the Army related "stuff" I have now.

And we were also each given a large three ring binder full of paperwork, handouts, rules, and more information.

It was overwhelming.

The course was broken down into several sections. How to Be an Effective FRG Leader. What is the FRG? FRG Funds. Volunteers. Etc, etc.

There was room for note taking. I felt like I was back in school, and it was not a good feeling.

I spent most of the time passing notes back and forth with my co-leader. 

"I didn't realize that these handouts were double-sided," I wrote five minutes in.

Our favorite topic was this blonde in front of us who would not stop gabbing away. Even the speaker was visibly annoyed.

After six long hours and holding back from throwing my water bottle at the blonde in the front countless times, I walked away with my certificate of training.

I also have a huge box of Army books, key chains, stress balls, and DVDs taking up room in my house.

And this bin with markers, notepads, and miscellaneous items.

After all of this, I still feel completely unprepared for being a FRG leader. There are so many rules and so many different ways to get into trouble, and now I'm even more stressed than before.

Someone just had a baby and I had to go visit the family at their home. It was unbelievably awkward as I had never met any of them before. I really need to work on my small talk.

More than a year left as a FRG leader. Hope I can make it!

Proud

I already knew that The Hubby is good at what he does, but it's so different to hear it straight from some of the soldiers that were in his platoon. After he moved to a different company, I saw all of these Facebook messages popping up on his wall telling my husband how much they enjoyed working with him.

Once again, I am assured that he was meant to be an Officer of the U.S. Army, and I couldn't be prouder.

The Deployment Cycle

I made this Google Search Stories video for fun. Not as clever as the ones that Google makes, but I think you can still get the gist. You can make your own here.

MSAD

To all of my battle buddies and lurking military spouse readers:

Surrounded by Love

One of The Hubby's groomsmen is also currently stationed in Iraq. It's too bad that they're not in the same area or else maybe they could actually be having some fun. He sent me this photograph in the mail weeks ago, and I found it incredibly clever.

In case you can't tell, that's a picture of me at our wedding being surrounded by a bunch of dancing Army fools. On the back, he wrote: "I hope you remember that even though The Hubby is gone, you're still surrounded by people who care about you."


It's amazing how many wonderful and kind people I have met over the years just simply by being a part of my husband's life.

On Like Donkey Kong

source

I finally have the nerves to attend another Officer Wives' Coffee. The first one I went to was extremely awkward and I ended up kind of standing quietly to the side with my arms crossed and waiting to see who would leave first so that I could be the next one to go.

Everyone already knew each other and I'm not the kind of person who will just go up to a stranger and introduce myself. I ended up talking to the ONLY other Asian person there, and she barely spoke English so that didn't work out very well.

I'm not good with large groups of people, especially when they all already have cliques and I don't really belong in any of them. But I'm trying to get myself to be more social. I'm sure I'll be getting a lot of surprised looks when I walk into the coffee tonight since I've skipped every single one since July.

Here's to me breaking through! It's on like Donkey Kong!

Where's My Paycheck?

I remember a moment last August when The Hubby and I looked at each other and said, "Oh my god, the Army has taken over our lives." It was about seven in the evening and the both of us were on our laptops taking care of Army related things. He was working on some kind of PowerPoint presentation that was due the next day and I was doing an online training course for my new Family Readiness Group (FRG) Treasurer position through Army OneSource. 

With our last company, I had signed up to be the Treasurer because it was a way for me to be involved without being completely drawn in. It was an easy task. Sign checks, make deposits, keep receipts...completely low key and yet no one could say, "Schmidt's wife never does anything." I was also a Key Caller for the company. My task was to call a list of family members monthly to see how they were doing and I was their person to contact in case they had any questions or concerns. I was very comfortable with my amount of involvement with the FRG and found it to be a good balance.

The Army lifestyle is full of politics. I'm going to save the most of it for another post, but basically how involved I am with the FRG and other volunteer work can affect The Hubby's career. Or at least this is what I am told. My husband has made it a point to tell me that I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do. His success should not and does not have anything to do with me. He is doing amazing because he is spectacular at his job. Even so, it doesn't hurt for me to have a good relationship with everyone he works with. Or, rather, their wives.

New responsibilities

I have already written about what his new promotion as an Executive Officer of a different company means for him. This post is about how these changes affect me. First of all, I had finally made friends with some wives and was getting comfortable going to FRG meetings and was no longer the "New Girl". And now I have to start completely over with strangers and hope that they take a liking to me, too. But this is the least drastic adjustments I have had to make.

Our new company was also going through some transitions with their Family Readiness Group. I was told that they had already found a new FRG Leader and I felt relieved when I heard this news. But then I received a call saying that they were so happy I was coming to the company because then I could be the FRG Co-Leader. Apparently, the only woman who stepped up has many children along with a full-time job and she could not take care of all the responsibilities on her own. And suddenly I was thrown into the position to be the Co-Leader.

I don't think I was ever asked if I wanted the job. It was somewhat pushed onto me, and I accepted it with an open mind (after some reluctance) because I knew that no one else would do it. I had already worked closely with our old company's FRG Leader so I got a very little taste of it. I also knew that it would prepare me for the task later on when TH becomes a Company Commander in later years, and the Commander's Wife (aka little ol' me) typically takes on the role as FRG Leader. 

But the main reason why I am taking on this new leadership position with such moxie is because I know that if I do a good job back at home, then TH and the rest of the soldiers can focus on their job in Iraq. 

My main responsibility is to take care of the families in any way that I can. This can be in the form of answering any questions they may have, visiting them in the hospital if they've just had a baby, organizing chances for everyone to get together, bringing meals if they are going through a tough time, dispersing information, consoling them through miscarriages or marital issues...the list goes on and on.

And then I have to take care of the soldiers, too. Cook outs, care packages, fundraisers, parties. But, most importantly, I need to make sure that their family members are taken care of and well informed. 

Being a FRG Leader, from what I have heard, is a task that can be as time consuming as you want it to be. I am the one who needs to decide how involved I want to be. I have to set boundaries with family members. I can throw as many parties as I want, or I can not do anything at all. 

Here is what is tricky though. If you know me personally, you know that I am the kind of person who will go above and beyond to help another person out. I'm the one who will run ahead of you in order to open the door. I'm the one who will offer to help you move into your dorm room without wanting anything in return. So it is going to be extremely difficult for me to tell someone that I cannot help them because if I don't draw the line at some point, then I will get trampled on. 

My twisted philosophy

Because I am a Co-Leader, I have to watch myself and I always need to consult with somebody else. My actions also have to be run by the Commander, who is my husband's direct boss, as he is responsible for the FRG. I have never liked working in groups. When my college professors assigned group projects I always asked if there was an option to do the assignment on my own. It's not that I can't work with others, it's that I find it easier to get things done myself. It's my Type A personality. But I am glad that I have others to consult with because I am new to this Army life and I really don't know very much.

I already have a few projects in mind for our FRG. I have invited our Key Callers over to my house for a pot luck next weekend so that I can meet these great women and discuss any ideas they may have. Military Spouse Appreciation Day is on May 6th so I thought it would be neat to send all our spouses a thank you card in the mail. We have hats and t-shirts to sell as fundraisers and I also need to think of more ways to generate money. 

I think these new responsibilities will be good for me because it will give me something to occupy my time with. Being a FRG Leader also lets me do what I love most: helping others. Wish me luck because I'll need it!

Phew! That was a long post. It was probably also incredibly boring, too. But I felt it was necessary to let you know what's going on as I know that I will be doing a lot of talking about FRG related matters later on. I already have some topics in mind, but I'll leave that for another day.

Holy Crap!

Source: michellewoo.com via Min on Pinterest

Sometimes, I am absolutely amazed by how much I love my husband. He'll say or do things randomly that just makes me remember exactly why I married him, and why we have been madly in love for close to seven years. And I just want to shout, "Holy crap! I love this man!"

I was having a tough time over these past few days over something that happened recently. Since I can't exactly call him on his cell phone in Iraq and speak to him directly right then and there, I left him a drawn out email to vent my frustrations. I was finally able to hear his voice today, and immediately he asked how I was and requested for more details of the incident. And, quite smartly, he took my side instead of making me seem like a fool for possibly overreacting as women typically do. Because sometimes you just want to hear, "That's really messed up" instead of "Oh, well just forget it." You want somebody who takes your side, and The Hubby is my "somebody".

And he also wrote, "You can get anything your heart desires, my love..." in regards to planned spa treatments over his R&R.


Yes, I am a lucky one.

Hiatus

Things are hectic here so I'm taking a blogging hiatus until Thursday-ish, although I'm probably going to cheat because I love using my blogs as a way to release all that is cooped up in my crazy mind. Promise to fill you in later!

Source: imgspark.com via Min on Pinterest

Tired

When The Hubby is really tired, he sleeps with his mouth open. One time he was napping with Bella and he woke up to find a pool of drool on our poor baby's ear. So I guess I'm thankful that there is no visible drool in these pictures. 

I think his company has numerous pictures of him falling asleep at the desk. Perhaps this is a sign that they are working him too hard? He looks like he has aged two years in two months.

Just the Two of Us

I like this picture for several reasons:

1. Bella is staring straight into the camera without me asking if she's hungry.

2. You can see the beginnings of the formation of an actual bicep muscle in my left arm as I brace myself from falling flat on the ground. Maybe?

3. That body part wrapped around Bella's body is not my right arm like you may assume, but my right leg. How I got myself in that position, I do not know.

4. That I'm still able to find a reason to smile like that alone on a Wednesday evening in a house in the middle of nowhere.

Promotion?

I've been neglecting this blog, but it's actually because I have so much to say that I don't know where to begin. A lot of things are happening in our lives right now in terms of changes in our jobs. Yes, don't you know that as a wife married to an officer in the Army, I have a job, too? More on the complicated aspect of wife politics later. This post is about my husband.

The Hubby has been promoted to become an Executive Officer (XO) of a different company. This promotion is solely a promotion in title and responsibilities, but it doesn't include a higher salary. More work for the same pay? No surprises there!

Basically, this means that he is second in command of a company of approximately 130 soldiers. He is the Company Commander's (Captain) right-hand man. All I really know about this new job is that he will no longer be a Platoon Leader and will deal mostly with paperwork. This is not my husband's cup of tea. He has grown to love his soldiers over the past nine months, and they have developed a bond between one another that is so strong and steady that has made his platoon the best in the company. And since the company is the best in the battalion, it's probably safe to say that he has the best platoon in the battalion!

Yeah, my husband is seriously kicking major ass at his job. He told me last week that he received an amazing evaluation by his commanders and has been ranked in the top two out of 36 platoon leaders in the battalion. They didn't tell him if he was either number one or two, but they did say that he was ready to command his own company now if he had to. I am one proud wife!

You see, this is especially amazing as when he was first given his soldiers, he was told that he had a group of rejects and nobodies that no one wanted. The Hubby was told by numerous others that he had his work cut out for him. But he gave everyone a clean slate, whipped them into shape, gave them confidence in themselves, and they worked their way to the top.

But now he has to leave them all and move to a completely different region of Iraq. This was devastating news for my husband. His current commander fought for him to stay, but it was useless. There was a need for someone with my husband's talents and they wanted him ASAP. I tried to convince him that he should be flattered to have been chosen for this job because it means that they believe he is qualified for the job.

Now, here is a wife's perspective. Knowing that TH loves his job and is good at what he does keeps me going back at home. So if he is miserable, then I am miserable as well. Because suffering through loneliness and all the rest of it was okay as long as my husband was happy. His work is more important, and I could suck it up for him. But if he is unhappy, then what does that mean for me?

If I get the chance tomorrow, I'll write about how else this promotion affects me. Boy, is it a doozy!

Tooting My Own Horn

I was "tagged" in a note on Facebook and it really addresses all the things that women have to go through being married to someone in the military.

 Letter to a military spouse

While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you or your husband, I felt the need to write you and express a very deep feeling that I have in my heart.

I, as a person, am not brave. I do not tackle things head on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100 miles out of my way just to avoid a conflict. I am an American woman that has no idea what is going on in the military other than what I hear on the news.

I have never had to let go of someone so that they could go fight for people that they didn't know, people that sometimes do not appreciate or understand what they are fighting for.

I have never had a sleepless night of worry because of a report that another bomb has exploded and I still haven't heard from my husband.

I have never had to wait for months on end to hold the one that I loved so.

I have never had to tell my children that daddy wasn't coming home tonight because he was so far away fighting for something that they aren't yet old enough to understand.

I have never had to hold my head high and suppress the tears as I hear that it will be at least another six months of separation before my loved one gets to come home.

I have never had to deal with a holiday away from the one that I thought I would share every day of my life with.

And I have never had to feel the panic rising in my heart at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified of getting.

For the reasons listed above, I can not tell you that I understand how you feel. I can not tell you that you must be strong. I can not say that you shouldn't be angry, because you "knew what you were getting into when you married a military man". I can not say these things because I have never had to walk in your shoes.

What I can say for certain is that because of your unselfish acts of bravery and your husbands willingness to stand up for those who see him as "just another soldier" - - I will never have to walk in your shoes.

I do understand that as a military wife you are expected to uphold a certain amount of control, but I never understood how you could do it, until now. I have figured out that you are not like other women. You are of a special breed. You have a strength within you that holds life together in the darkest of hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The faith you have is what makes you stand out in a crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell with pride at the mention of The United States of America.

You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a glorious American.

I have more respect for your husband than I could ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much about those that the soldier leaves at home during deployment.

Until this moment I could never put into words exactly what America meant to me.

Until this moment, I had no real reason to.... Until I heard of you.

Your husband and his military family hold this nation close, safe from those who wish to hurt us...but you and those like you are the backbone of the American family. You keep the wheels in motion and the hearts alive while most would just break completely down. Military families make this nation what it is today.

You give us all hope and you emit a warming light at the end of a long dark tunnel.

Because of you and your family...I am able to be me. I am able to have my family. I am able to walk free in this great land. Because of you and your family, I can look ahead to the future with the knowledge that life is going to be okay. Because of you and your family, I can awake to a new day, everyday.

I realize that you are a stronger person than I will ever be because of these things and I just wanted to take the time today to say thank you to you and your family for allowing me that freedom.

I will never be able to repay this debt to you, as it is unmatchable. However, I hope that you know that no matter where you are...what you are doing...what has happened today...or what will happen tomorrow...Your husband will NEVER be "just another soldier" to me.... And you, dear sweet lady, will never be forgotten.

You are all in my prayer's everyday and I pray that God will bring you back together with your loved one safely.

May God Bless You!

(Author Unknown)"

Another wife and I were just telling each other how we are a little bitter towards others who don't realize what military families go through daily. Heck, even Oprah did a special on this issue and admitted that she never thought about the struggles of military families until Tom Brokaw brought it up to her.

I feel like my stress level is through the roof having The Hubby in Iraq, and I'm not even one of those wives who has a job or a kid. There have been many sleepless nights, and unfortunately I can't knock back a glass of red wine to help me get some rest---No, I'm not preggo. I just can't handle the taste or smell of alcohol.

I was watching the news about Libya the other night and I almost started to cry. When the general public hears about this new war in Libya, they don't view this situation the way that I do. I don't think about the costs  of yet another war or the politics behind it.

Instead, I think about whether or not The Hubby will be deployed there in the next few years. How much more dangerous will it be for him to go to Libya as one of the firsts compared to his deployment to Iraq? What does this mean for our timeline? When will we start trying for kids? Can I go through yet another deployment so soon?

So the next time you see anyone in uniform, you should not only shake their hand and thank them, but also thank their family members because this is what they go through. You can go about your daily life as you do now knowing that the Armed Forces of America are strong because they have strong family members standing behind them.

Pictorial Evidence

I know that The Hubby is in Iraq and he's been there for a month and a half. I know this. And yet it's so strange to see pictures of him surrounded by sand while carrying a loaded weapon with all of his gear on. It sure is nice to see him flashing that wonderful smile of his though.

The Hubby and I put together his body armor at home and it was so complicated that we had to watch the DVD instructional video that came with it. There are plates, loops, straps, velcro adhesives, buckles, wires, etc. that all come together to form one heavy vest. I could barely stand when I put it on, and I can't even imagine what it would be like to wear it for an entire day in the hot desert heat while carrying a rifle that is incredibly heavy, too.

Now add extra ammo, water, radios, and other equipment to the mix. Then run around, crouch down to the floor, and get back up a few times. I'm sure The Hubby will have permanent spine damage by the end of his career.

Major props to all the female soldiers who have to carry as much gear as the men do.

This Shit Don't Work

In need of a brave husband who has developed a resistance to fear of large spiders after time in the field. Or at least his combat boots.

Dear _____,

Dear God, Higher Being, Obama, Congress, or whomever has the most control over this situation,

Please don't let America get into yet another conflict with no end in sight. The circumstances in Libya make me nervous. And I am a selfish woman. I'll be the first to admit it.

My husband does not need another war to fight. Families do not need to be apart for a year at a time for the third time in five years. Fathers do not need to miss any more births of their children. Parents do not need to bury any more sons or daughters. Wives do not need to carry their cell phones into the bathroom any longer.

The Hubby is planning on staying in the Army for another nineteen years. Any chance that this will be his first and last deployment? Because I don't know if I can go through this again.

Sincerely,
Waiting Minzilla

Stud Muffin

This is going to make my husband blush, but I'm keeping it real here.

I caught a glimpse of a shirtless Hubby the other day during a Skype video chat, and the man looks gooood.

And that's all I'm going to say because his parents and grandparents read this blog.

The end.

For Japan With love

Edit: Living Social is matching each $5 donation to the Red Cross with another $5, meaning that you can pay $5 for a $10 donation. The Hubby and I just took advantage of this. Will you?: http://livingsocial.com/deals/32115-5-for-10-donation-to-red-cross-relief-efforts

Admittedly, I had avoided watching the news about the disaster in Japan. The images of anguish and devastation were just too much for my weak heart. As much as we would like to ignore the events of the world around us that do not affect us directly, we must make more of an effort to be aware of what is going on so that we can aid those less fortunate in any way possible.

Tomorrow, I will be participating in a bloggers day of silence to raise awareness and acknowledge the devastation going on in Japan. This means that there will be no posts tomorrow.

You can find more information on this day of silence along with ways to donate to relief efforts through the site Utterly Engaged.

LDR

Stolen from my sister's witty blog:

I’m trying a long-distance relationship for the first time. I really care about the girl, but I have always had a hard time keeping it in my pants. I’ve never really cheated - but in this instance I feel like it might eventually happen. Got any advice?

...A long distance relationship isn’t something you casually try for the first time like Thai food or anal sex. A long distance relationship is something you do because you absolutely motherfuckingly have to, and it’s bittersweet and painful and unbearable and you can’t live without it, which I suppose is still pretty much like Thai food or anal sex, but you get my point.

If all you can say is, “I really care about the girl,” that isn’t even close to enough. You better love that crazy bitch with every last ounce of douche you’ve got coursing through your veins. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up to fail.

And what’s all this about eventually cheating? Quit planning to fuck up. Fidelity isn’t inversely proportional to distance, asshole. There are no teen sex comedy loopholes in real life.

Feel free to work out an open arrangement, but if you decide to go traditional, you better have the requisite integrity. Keep it in your motherfucking pants, or be honest about the fact that you can’t. It’s that simple.

I just spent a solid, passionate year loving someone across hundreds of miles of pacific coast highway. It was the loneliest year of my life, punctuated by the most blissed-out orgiastic episodes of heroin-grade happiness I’ve ever known.

It’s an unnatural thing to maintain burning desire at a distance. You’ve gotta be an emotional athlete to handle the highs and lows. It requires a heart that’s pure and strong, and brother, I don’t think you’re in shape for it.

I’d wish you good luck, but it’d be wasted on your weak-ass shit. Long distance is for hardcore motherfuckers on fire.

You ain’t ready.

The Hubby and I are, in fact, hardcore motherfuckers on fire.

We've been in a perpetual long distance relationship since March '04. We deserve a fucking medal or something. Or at least a vacation in Hawaii.

Original source: "On Trying Long Distance."

Sucka!

The internet connection is shaky in Iraq, which is perfectly understandable, yet really frustrating considering that it costs $88/month. 

TH constantly gets disconnected during our conversations. So at one point, I didn't answer his message because it said that he was offline and TH got annoyed and said, "hey you" a bunch of times to catch my attention.

He didn't believe me when I told him that he appeared to be offline so this is my proof.

Bitches

Women are bitches. We are catty and have jealousy issues and revert back to our high school days quickly and easily. And it all gets worse when we're bored. Military wives, who are not in the right state of mind, often turn on each other in an effort to make themselves feel better.

Like I mentioned before in my first post, we are judged when we talk about how much we miss our deployed husbands because it is a sign of weakness. You always piss somebody off because someone always has it worse than you do. But why do other people have the right to gauge another person's problems?

It's like we always have to one-up the other person.

"Oh, you haven't spoken to him in a week? Try three weeks!"
"Oh, you have to deal with him being gone? Try dealing with him being gone and raising six kids on your own!"

Who the fuck cares?! It reminds me of what pet owners do in the waiting room of a veterinary office. As if a person is a better owner if he or she spends more money or makes more sacrifices.

"We spent $10,000 on Bella to fix her legs."
"Well, instead of fixing my ingrown toenail, I paid for my cat's meds."
True story.

I came across this video on Facebook, and it is describes perfectly about the world that I live in. It's a little long, but fast forward to 2:51 to get what I'm talking about.

I, unfortunately, have encountered some wives like those he talks about in the video. They weren't speaking of me, but of some other wives behind their backs and I just sat there completely baffled by what I was hearing. 

A wife is allowed to miss her husband. She is allowed to wonder when he will call again. She can speak about her hardships, and she should have support from every single one of us.

And I'm not saying that I don't roll my eyes when I see all of the daily Facebook statuses that say how much someone misses or loves their spouse. Okay, I get it. Yeah, I'm a bitch, too. 

But my eyes rolling has nothing to do with me thinking that they're weak or anything. It's just really boring and I don't need to be reminded that I feel the exact same way. Personal preference, you know? 

However, I will never be one of the wives who poke fun at others or judge another couple's marriage. 

"If you can't get through a week without talking to your husband, how are you going to be strong enough to survive a year?" Yes, women say things like that, and it's total and complete bullshit.

Facebook makes life ten times more complicated...

Lesson from this post:

Source: ffffound.com via Min on Pinterest

Reality

This is going to be a grim post, but I think it's necessary to face reality. This entry is about death and probably isn't for the faint of heart. But like I said in my first post, this blog is going to be uncensored. If you prefer something lighter, head here to read about Bella.

Source: thisisnthappiness.com via Min on Pinterest

Reality is that The Hubby may not make it back home to me safely. Although Iraq is supposedly "safe" in comparison to Afghanistan, the bad guys are still out there. There are IED's on the roads, made specifically to kill or injure soldiers. Iraqi soldiers turned on Americans and killed two during a training exercise back in January. It doesn't matter how well trained you are. Shit happens in war and it's all random.

My mother has been calling me much more often than since I first left home last March. I know that it is a nice gesture for her to check up on me, but I dread picking up the phone. This is because, without a doubt, she asks me, "So, is it safe where TH is?"

And, really, how am I supposed to answer this question? I tell her that it is safe, but then I fear that I am jinxing myself. So I now tell her that it is "safer" because that at least is true.

One of TH's classmates from West Point was killed in Afghanistan a few weeks ago. "I think he's the first," TH wrote on a Facebook chat a little later.

"I know, honey. I'm so sorry." What else are you supposed to say to your husband?

The way he phrased it is devastating to me. "The first." Meaning that there will be more. We know more people overseas in Iraq or Afghanistan than we can count. Is one of them next? Suddenly, the possibility of death has become real.


The weekend before he left while we were driving to Austin, I asked him up front what he would want his funeral plans to be. When his stepfather passed away in September '09, I realized that I have no idea what TH wanted for himself. "I need to know these things," I tell him and hope that he won't be offended.

We spoke of his life insurance and how everything will go to me. "It's a lot of money," he said. But, really, would I care? Money won't replace the love of my life.

This is the conversation that a soldier and his wife has to have before deployment, even if they are still in their early 20's. Not on their death bed. Not because they have kids and need to think about their security. But because he is deploying and nothing is one hundred percent certain.

I asked TH the other day if he has encountered anything scary since he's been in Iraq.

"Not really. I wouldn't worry too much."

I can't help but wonder if even if he had experienced some life threatening situations he would tell me about them. And I can't decide if I even want to know about them. But, for now, I'll take his word for it and try not to "worry too much."

On Communication and Facebook

I am having a great amount of trouble not being able to talk to TH daily. Marriage is a funny thing that way. When you have a spouse, you want to consult with him on just about everything.

"Should we set the sprinkler to go off more than once a week now that it's warmer?"
"Do we need a full length mirror in our bedroom?"
"Would you like me in this dress? Can I buy it?"
"If we get this coat hanger will you stop throwing your clothes on the ground?"

Luckily, after over six and a half years together, I can make strong educated guesses on what he would say. (Wait a bit. Yes, but a nice one. Buy whatever you want. Maybe.)

TH and I have had a lot of training for his deployment.

After his high school graduation, he headed for West Point and our communication was cut to just hand written love letters to each other for months. The next four years consisted of nightly phone calls to each other, typically right before bed for TH and in the middle of schoolwork for me.

Upon his graduation from USMA, we spent yet another seven months apart from each other until we finally married. And yet our "training" didn't end there. Just four days after our wedding, he left for Ranger School, and we were left once again to write letters to each other. I would only hear his voice once every three weeks. It was Hell.

Despite being married and having an extra ring on my finger, I still consider us to be in a perpetual long distance relationship. It will be a long long time before we are together for good.

Although we can communicate through Facebook, Skype, texts, phone calls and e-mails, I feel like wit is not enough. TH is so busy that he doesn't seem to even have time to respond to my e-mails. I understand that even if he has a few minutes to get on Facebook or Gmail, it doesn't mean that he necessarily has the time to wait for me to get onto Skype. But that doesn't make it any easier.

I stay signed into Facebook and my Gchat in hopes of catching him online. I'm afraid to leave the house or even the computer because I don't want to miss him. This is driving me absolutely ape shit crazy.

The first week of his deployment, I would write to him about my day every night. I sent him pictures of Bella in an effort to make him smile. But now, the e-mails are shorter and more sporadic. It's difficult to continue when it seems so one-sided. It is really difficult for me to accept the fact that he has a lot more to be concerned about in Iraq than, "I must call my wife."

He's trying not to get killed or anyone else killed for goodness sake! I think as an army wife, I have to push my selfish tendencies aside. This is definitely something I need to work on.

I often get jealous when I see other army wives post on Facebook, "I talked to ____ for an hour today!" My initial response is not, "Oh, that's so nice. I'm happy for them." Instead, it's "What the 'eff! Why can't I ever talk to TH for more than twenty minutes?"

Because of this, I make an effort to not say anything on Facebook that may make other wives feel bad. Facebook is a tricky thing, isn't it?

On the rare instances that we do get to speak to one another, I feel completely rushed in what I want to say. This then leads me to not saying what I need at all. Am I supposed to carry a list of topics with me so that I can hit all the main points? I never know if a conversation will last twenty-two minutes or two. And my heart without fail always drops when I hear him say, "Ok, baby. I have to go."

A few tips to myself and other army wives in order to get over this whole little communication thing:
1) Just because your husband doesn't write every day on your Facebook wall that he loves you doesn't mean that he loves you less than other deployed husbands.
2) Trust in your own choices and decisions, but take into consideration what he will think about the situation, too.
3) If you miss his phone call or chat, don't feel bad about it. Move on because you will get another opportunity later.
4) Always say, "I love you."

Crying

Source: heyawesome.tumblr.com via Min on Pinterest

So Lovely to See You

I love technology. Even though his internet connection is awful, it is still wonderful to be able to see my husband's face. The video feed lags and sometimes it's frustrating, yet I wait all day for his handsome smile. And of course Bella joins in on the fun...even if all she does is rest her head on my lap.