I am having a great amount of trouble not being able to talk to TH daily. Marriage is a funny thing that way. When you have a spouse, you want to consult with him on just about everything.
"Should we set the sprinkler to go off more than once a week now that it's warmer?"
"Do we need a full length mirror in our bedroom?"
"Would you like me in this dress? Can I buy it?"
"If we get this coat hanger will you stop throwing your clothes on the ground?"
Luckily, after over six and a half years together, I can make strong educated guesses on what he would say. (Wait a bit. Yes, but a nice one. Buy whatever you want. Maybe.)
TH and I have had a lot of training for his deployment.
After his high school graduation, he headed for West Point and our communication was cut to just hand written love letters to each other for months. The next four years consisted of nightly phone calls to each other, typically right before bed for TH and in the middle of schoolwork for me.
Upon his graduation from USMA, we spent yet another seven months apart from each other until we finally married. And yet our "training" didn't end there. Just four days after our wedding, he left for Ranger School, and we were left once again to write letters to each other. I would only hear his voice once every three weeks. It was Hell.
Despite being married and having an extra ring on my finger, I still consider us to be in a perpetual long distance relationship. It will be a long long time before we are together for good.
Although we can communicate through Facebook, Skype, texts, phone calls and e-mails, I feel like wit is not enough. TH is so busy that he doesn't seem to even have time to respond to my e-mails. I understand that even if he has a few minutes to get on Facebook or Gmail, it doesn't mean that he necessarily has the time to wait for me to get onto Skype. But that doesn't make it any easier.
I stay signed into Facebook and my Gchat in hopes of catching him online. I'm afraid to leave the house or even the computer because I don't want to miss him. This is driving me absolutely ape shit crazy.
The first week of his deployment, I would write to him about my day every night. I sent him pictures of Bella in an effort to make him smile. But now, the e-mails are shorter and more sporadic. It's difficult to continue when it seems so one-sided. It is really difficult for me to accept the fact that he has a lot more to be concerned about in Iraq than, "I must call my wife."
He's trying not to get killed or anyone else killed for goodness sake! I think as an army wife, I have to push my selfish tendencies aside. This is definitely something I need to work on.
I often get jealous when I see other army wives post on Facebook, "I talked to ____ for an hour today!" My initial response is not, "Oh, that's so nice. I'm happy for them." Instead, it's "What the 'eff! Why can't I ever talk to TH for more than twenty minutes?"
Because of this, I make an effort to not say anything on Facebook that may make other wives feel bad. Facebook is a tricky thing, isn't it?
On the rare instances that we do get to speak to one another, I feel completely rushed in what I want to say. This then leads me to not saying what I need at all. Am I supposed to carry a list of topics with me so that I can hit all the main points? I never know if a conversation will last twenty-two minutes or two. And my heart without fail always drops when I hear him say, "Ok, baby. I have to go."
A few tips to myself and other army wives in order to get over this whole little communication thing:
1) Just because your husband doesn't write every day on your Facebook wall that he loves you doesn't mean that he loves you less than other deployed husbands.
2) Trust in your own choices and decisions, but take into consideration what he will think about the situation, too.
3) If you miss his phone call or chat, don't feel bad about it. Move on because you will get another opportunity later.
4) Always say, "I love you."
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