Tooting My Own Horn

I was "tagged" in a note on Facebook and it really addresses all the things that women have to go through being married to someone in the military.

 Letter to a military spouse

While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you or your husband, I felt the need to write you and express a very deep feeling that I have in my heart.

I, as a person, am not brave. I do not tackle things head on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100 miles out of my way just to avoid a conflict. I am an American woman that has no idea what is going on in the military other than what I hear on the news.

I have never had to let go of someone so that they could go fight for people that they didn't know, people that sometimes do not appreciate or understand what they are fighting for.

I have never had a sleepless night of worry because of a report that another bomb has exploded and I still haven't heard from my husband.

I have never had to wait for months on end to hold the one that I loved so.

I have never had to tell my children that daddy wasn't coming home tonight because he was so far away fighting for something that they aren't yet old enough to understand.

I have never had to hold my head high and suppress the tears as I hear that it will be at least another six months of separation before my loved one gets to come home.

I have never had to deal with a holiday away from the one that I thought I would share every day of my life with.

And I have never had to feel the panic rising in my heart at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified of getting.

For the reasons listed above, I can not tell you that I understand how you feel. I can not tell you that you must be strong. I can not say that you shouldn't be angry, because you "knew what you were getting into when you married a military man". I can not say these things because I have never had to walk in your shoes.

What I can say for certain is that because of your unselfish acts of bravery and your husbands willingness to stand up for those who see him as "just another soldier" - - I will never have to walk in your shoes.

I do understand that as a military wife you are expected to uphold a certain amount of control, but I never understood how you could do it, until now. I have figured out that you are not like other women. You are of a special breed. You have a strength within you that holds life together in the darkest of hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The faith you have is what makes you stand out in a crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell with pride at the mention of The United States of America.

You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a glorious American.

I have more respect for your husband than I could ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much about those that the soldier leaves at home during deployment.

Until this moment I could never put into words exactly what America meant to me.

Until this moment, I had no real reason to.... Until I heard of you.

Your husband and his military family hold this nation close, safe from those who wish to hurt us...but you and those like you are the backbone of the American family. You keep the wheels in motion and the hearts alive while most would just break completely down. Military families make this nation what it is today.

You give us all hope and you emit a warming light at the end of a long dark tunnel.

Because of you and your family...I am able to be me. I am able to have my family. I am able to walk free in this great land. Because of you and your family, I can look ahead to the future with the knowledge that life is going to be okay. Because of you and your family, I can awake to a new day, everyday.

I realize that you are a stronger person than I will ever be because of these things and I just wanted to take the time today to say thank you to you and your family for allowing me that freedom.

I will never be able to repay this debt to you, as it is unmatchable. However, I hope that you know that no matter where you are...what you are doing...what has happened today...or what will happen tomorrow...Your husband will NEVER be "just another soldier" to me.... And you, dear sweet lady, will never be forgotten.

You are all in my prayer's everyday and I pray that God will bring you back together with your loved one safely.

May God Bless You!

(Author Unknown)"

Another wife and I were just telling each other how we are a little bitter towards others who don't realize what military families go through daily. Heck, even Oprah did a special on this issue and admitted that she never thought about the struggles of military families until Tom Brokaw brought it up to her.

I feel like my stress level is through the roof having The Hubby in Iraq, and I'm not even one of those wives who has a job or a kid. There have been many sleepless nights, and unfortunately I can't knock back a glass of red wine to help me get some rest---No, I'm not preggo. I just can't handle the taste or smell of alcohol.

I was watching the news about Libya the other night and I almost started to cry. When the general public hears about this new war in Libya, they don't view this situation the way that I do. I don't think about the costs  of yet another war or the politics behind it.

Instead, I think about whether or not The Hubby will be deployed there in the next few years. How much more dangerous will it be for him to go to Libya as one of the firsts compared to his deployment to Iraq? What does this mean for our timeline? When will we start trying for kids? Can I go through yet another deployment so soon?

So the next time you see anyone in uniform, you should not only shake their hand and thank them, but also thank their family members because this is what they go through. You can go about your daily life as you do now knowing that the Armed Forces of America are strong because they have strong family members standing behind them.

Pictorial Evidence

I know that The Hubby is in Iraq and he's been there for a month and a half. I know this. And yet it's so strange to see pictures of him surrounded by sand while carrying a loaded weapon with all of his gear on. It sure is nice to see him flashing that wonderful smile of his though.

The Hubby and I put together his body armor at home and it was so complicated that we had to watch the DVD instructional video that came with it. There are plates, loops, straps, velcro adhesives, buckles, wires, etc. that all come together to form one heavy vest. I could barely stand when I put it on, and I can't even imagine what it would be like to wear it for an entire day in the hot desert heat while carrying a rifle that is incredibly heavy, too.

Now add extra ammo, water, radios, and other equipment to the mix. Then run around, crouch down to the floor, and get back up a few times. I'm sure The Hubby will have permanent spine damage by the end of his career.

Major props to all the female soldiers who have to carry as much gear as the men do.

This Shit Don't Work

In need of a brave husband who has developed a resistance to fear of large spiders after time in the field. Or at least his combat boots.

Dear _____,

Dear God, Higher Being, Obama, Congress, or whomever has the most control over this situation,

Please don't let America get into yet another conflict with no end in sight. The circumstances in Libya make me nervous. And I am a selfish woman. I'll be the first to admit it.

My husband does not need another war to fight. Families do not need to be apart for a year at a time for the third time in five years. Fathers do not need to miss any more births of their children. Parents do not need to bury any more sons or daughters. Wives do not need to carry their cell phones into the bathroom any longer.

The Hubby is planning on staying in the Army for another nineteen years. Any chance that this will be his first and last deployment? Because I don't know if I can go through this again.

Sincerely,
Waiting Minzilla

Stud Muffin

This is going to make my husband blush, but I'm keeping it real here.

I caught a glimpse of a shirtless Hubby the other day during a Skype video chat, and the man looks gooood.

And that's all I'm going to say because his parents and grandparents read this blog.

The end.

For Japan With love

Edit: Living Social is matching each $5 donation to the Red Cross with another $5, meaning that you can pay $5 for a $10 donation. The Hubby and I just took advantage of this. Will you?: http://livingsocial.com/deals/32115-5-for-10-donation-to-red-cross-relief-efforts

Admittedly, I had avoided watching the news about the disaster in Japan. The images of anguish and devastation were just too much for my weak heart. As much as we would like to ignore the events of the world around us that do not affect us directly, we must make more of an effort to be aware of what is going on so that we can aid those less fortunate in any way possible.

Tomorrow, I will be participating in a bloggers day of silence to raise awareness and acknowledge the devastation going on in Japan. This means that there will be no posts tomorrow.

You can find more information on this day of silence along with ways to donate to relief efforts through the site Utterly Engaged.

LDR

Stolen from my sister's witty blog:

I’m trying a long-distance relationship for the first time. I really care about the girl, but I have always had a hard time keeping it in my pants. I’ve never really cheated - but in this instance I feel like it might eventually happen. Got any advice?

...A long distance relationship isn’t something you casually try for the first time like Thai food or anal sex. A long distance relationship is something you do because you absolutely motherfuckingly have to, and it’s bittersweet and painful and unbearable and you can’t live without it, which I suppose is still pretty much like Thai food or anal sex, but you get my point.

If all you can say is, “I really care about the girl,” that isn’t even close to enough. You better love that crazy bitch with every last ounce of douche you’ve got coursing through your veins. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up to fail.

And what’s all this about eventually cheating? Quit planning to fuck up. Fidelity isn’t inversely proportional to distance, asshole. There are no teen sex comedy loopholes in real life.

Feel free to work out an open arrangement, but if you decide to go traditional, you better have the requisite integrity. Keep it in your motherfucking pants, or be honest about the fact that you can’t. It’s that simple.

I just spent a solid, passionate year loving someone across hundreds of miles of pacific coast highway. It was the loneliest year of my life, punctuated by the most blissed-out orgiastic episodes of heroin-grade happiness I’ve ever known.

It’s an unnatural thing to maintain burning desire at a distance. You’ve gotta be an emotional athlete to handle the highs and lows. It requires a heart that’s pure and strong, and brother, I don’t think you’re in shape for it.

I’d wish you good luck, but it’d be wasted on your weak-ass shit. Long distance is for hardcore motherfuckers on fire.

You ain’t ready.

The Hubby and I are, in fact, hardcore motherfuckers on fire.

We've been in a perpetual long distance relationship since March '04. We deserve a fucking medal or something. Or at least a vacation in Hawaii.

Original source: "On Trying Long Distance."

Sucka!

The internet connection is shaky in Iraq, which is perfectly understandable, yet really frustrating considering that it costs $88/month. 

TH constantly gets disconnected during our conversations. So at one point, I didn't answer his message because it said that he was offline and TH got annoyed and said, "hey you" a bunch of times to catch my attention.

He didn't believe me when I told him that he appeared to be offline so this is my proof.

Bitches

Women are bitches. We are catty and have jealousy issues and revert back to our high school days quickly and easily. And it all gets worse when we're bored. Military wives, who are not in the right state of mind, often turn on each other in an effort to make themselves feel better.

Like I mentioned before in my first post, we are judged when we talk about how much we miss our deployed husbands because it is a sign of weakness. You always piss somebody off because someone always has it worse than you do. But why do other people have the right to gauge another person's problems?

It's like we always have to one-up the other person.

"Oh, you haven't spoken to him in a week? Try three weeks!"
"Oh, you have to deal with him being gone? Try dealing with him being gone and raising six kids on your own!"

Who the fuck cares?! It reminds me of what pet owners do in the waiting room of a veterinary office. As if a person is a better owner if he or she spends more money or makes more sacrifices.

"We spent $10,000 on Bella to fix her legs."
"Well, instead of fixing my ingrown toenail, I paid for my cat's meds."
True story.

I came across this video on Facebook, and it is describes perfectly about the world that I live in. It's a little long, but fast forward to 2:51 to get what I'm talking about.

I, unfortunately, have encountered some wives like those he talks about in the video. They weren't speaking of me, but of some other wives behind their backs and I just sat there completely baffled by what I was hearing. 

A wife is allowed to miss her husband. She is allowed to wonder when he will call again. She can speak about her hardships, and she should have support from every single one of us.

And I'm not saying that I don't roll my eyes when I see all of the daily Facebook statuses that say how much someone misses or loves their spouse. Okay, I get it. Yeah, I'm a bitch, too. 

But my eyes rolling has nothing to do with me thinking that they're weak or anything. It's just really boring and I don't need to be reminded that I feel the exact same way. Personal preference, you know? 

However, I will never be one of the wives who poke fun at others or judge another couple's marriage. 

"If you can't get through a week without talking to your husband, how are you going to be strong enough to survive a year?" Yes, women say things like that, and it's total and complete bullshit.

Facebook makes life ten times more complicated...

Lesson from this post:

Source: ffffound.com via Min on Pinterest

Reality

This is going to be a grim post, but I think it's necessary to face reality. This entry is about death and probably isn't for the faint of heart. But like I said in my first post, this blog is going to be uncensored. If you prefer something lighter, head here to read about Bella.

Source: thisisnthappiness.com via Min on Pinterest

Reality is that The Hubby may not make it back home to me safely. Although Iraq is supposedly "safe" in comparison to Afghanistan, the bad guys are still out there. There are IED's on the roads, made specifically to kill or injure soldiers. Iraqi soldiers turned on Americans and killed two during a training exercise back in January. It doesn't matter how well trained you are. Shit happens in war and it's all random.

My mother has been calling me much more often than since I first left home last March. I know that it is a nice gesture for her to check up on me, but I dread picking up the phone. This is because, without a doubt, she asks me, "So, is it safe where TH is?"

And, really, how am I supposed to answer this question? I tell her that it is safe, but then I fear that I am jinxing myself. So I now tell her that it is "safer" because that at least is true.

One of TH's classmates from West Point was killed in Afghanistan a few weeks ago. "I think he's the first," TH wrote on a Facebook chat a little later.

"I know, honey. I'm so sorry." What else are you supposed to say to your husband?

The way he phrased it is devastating to me. "The first." Meaning that there will be more. We know more people overseas in Iraq or Afghanistan than we can count. Is one of them next? Suddenly, the possibility of death has become real.


The weekend before he left while we were driving to Austin, I asked him up front what he would want his funeral plans to be. When his stepfather passed away in September '09, I realized that I have no idea what TH wanted for himself. "I need to know these things," I tell him and hope that he won't be offended.

We spoke of his life insurance and how everything will go to me. "It's a lot of money," he said. But, really, would I care? Money won't replace the love of my life.

This is the conversation that a soldier and his wife has to have before deployment, even if they are still in their early 20's. Not on their death bed. Not because they have kids and need to think about their security. But because he is deploying and nothing is one hundred percent certain.

I asked TH the other day if he has encountered anything scary since he's been in Iraq.

"Not really. I wouldn't worry too much."

I can't help but wonder if even if he had experienced some life threatening situations he would tell me about them. And I can't decide if I even want to know about them. But, for now, I'll take his word for it and try not to "worry too much."

On Communication and Facebook

I am having a great amount of trouble not being able to talk to TH daily. Marriage is a funny thing that way. When you have a spouse, you want to consult with him on just about everything.

"Should we set the sprinkler to go off more than once a week now that it's warmer?"
"Do we need a full length mirror in our bedroom?"
"Would you like me in this dress? Can I buy it?"
"If we get this coat hanger will you stop throwing your clothes on the ground?"

Luckily, after over six and a half years together, I can make strong educated guesses on what he would say. (Wait a bit. Yes, but a nice one. Buy whatever you want. Maybe.)

TH and I have had a lot of training for his deployment.

After his high school graduation, he headed for West Point and our communication was cut to just hand written love letters to each other for months. The next four years consisted of nightly phone calls to each other, typically right before bed for TH and in the middle of schoolwork for me.

Upon his graduation from USMA, we spent yet another seven months apart from each other until we finally married. And yet our "training" didn't end there. Just four days after our wedding, he left for Ranger School, and we were left once again to write letters to each other. I would only hear his voice once every three weeks. It was Hell.

Despite being married and having an extra ring on my finger, I still consider us to be in a perpetual long distance relationship. It will be a long long time before we are together for good.

Although we can communicate through Facebook, Skype, texts, phone calls and e-mails, I feel like wit is not enough. TH is so busy that he doesn't seem to even have time to respond to my e-mails. I understand that even if he has a few minutes to get on Facebook or Gmail, it doesn't mean that he necessarily has the time to wait for me to get onto Skype. But that doesn't make it any easier.

I stay signed into Facebook and my Gchat in hopes of catching him online. I'm afraid to leave the house or even the computer because I don't want to miss him. This is driving me absolutely ape shit crazy.

The first week of his deployment, I would write to him about my day every night. I sent him pictures of Bella in an effort to make him smile. But now, the e-mails are shorter and more sporadic. It's difficult to continue when it seems so one-sided. It is really difficult for me to accept the fact that he has a lot more to be concerned about in Iraq than, "I must call my wife."

He's trying not to get killed or anyone else killed for goodness sake! I think as an army wife, I have to push my selfish tendencies aside. This is definitely something I need to work on.

I often get jealous when I see other army wives post on Facebook, "I talked to ____ for an hour today!" My initial response is not, "Oh, that's so nice. I'm happy for them." Instead, it's "What the 'eff! Why can't I ever talk to TH for more than twenty minutes?"

Because of this, I make an effort to not say anything on Facebook that may make other wives feel bad. Facebook is a tricky thing, isn't it?

On the rare instances that we do get to speak to one another, I feel completely rushed in what I want to say. This then leads me to not saying what I need at all. Am I supposed to carry a list of topics with me so that I can hit all the main points? I never know if a conversation will last twenty-two minutes or two. And my heart without fail always drops when I hear him say, "Ok, baby. I have to go."

A few tips to myself and other army wives in order to get over this whole little communication thing:
1) Just because your husband doesn't write every day on your Facebook wall that he loves you doesn't mean that he loves you less than other deployed husbands.
2) Trust in your own choices and decisions, but take into consideration what he will think about the situation, too.
3) If you miss his phone call or chat, don't feel bad about it. Move on because you will get another opportunity later.
4) Always say, "I love you."