Peonies

I splurged $5 for a bunch of pale pink peonies today. Peonies are my absolute favorite flower. Something about their delicate petals and the intricate way they fall together makes me swoon. I don't know how to describe the feeling I get when I see these beautiful flowers. The sight of them simply makes me happy. Peonies are more elegant than I will ever be.

Although I know that they will just die in a few days, especially in my warm home, I felt like I needed them in my household. I've placed them on my coffee table so that I can glance at them as I watch television or peer over my laptop.

My husband recently returned to Iraq after two wondrous weeks together. I will not see him again for another seven to eight months. I'm slightly confused by my emotions at this time. I must say that I am completely accustomed to saying goodbye at airport terminals. We have been at it for six years now. With Bella in the backseat, I dropped him off at the airport teary-eyed, but still resilient.

I kissed him numerous times, not wanting it to be our last. Embraces are always too short at these moments. My husband tried to say goodbye to Bella through the window, but she was so excited to be in the car that she barely let him pet her. This made me upset. Didn't she know that he was leaving?

How many times can I say, "I love you" before he would finally have to walk away?

He didn't look back at us. I always wait to see if he will look back, but he never does. I'm relieved that he didn't this time because I know that him seeing me in tears would have just make the situation even more difficult. It's important for me to remain strong for my husband so that he can fully focus on himself in a war zone.

I cried for no more than five minutes. I bawled only for five minutes. And then I pulled my shit together and drove the ten minutes home. I didn't crawl back into bed. I just went about my day. I had some ice cream before noon, but other than that my day was relatively normal.

I slept later than usual that night. My husband and I discussed our late sleeping habits--me in Texas and him in Iraq. "I don't want it to be the next day." Although we would be one day closer to seeing each other again, we didn't want to spend another day away from each other.

The first few days are always the easiest for me. In my mind, he is simply as work and I will see him soon. But some things trigger an uncontrollable emotional response.

I noticed some loose change in the cup holder of our car today. The Hubby always drops his coins there. Little things like that make me think of him and my heart drops. Today, I am thankful that he does not consistently throw his dirty clothes in the hamper. I found myself digging through his closet this evening to find something that smelled like him.

He purchased some bath gel in a "manly scent" at Bath & Body Works while he was home. That scent still lingers on the Fahrenheit 451 shirt he wore more than a week ago. It brings me comfort and a tinge of sadness with each sniff.

I miss my husband. We are in a perpetual long distance relationship. We know nothing else. But we are great together, even when we are thousands of miles apart.