Decade

I planned an entire post, recollecting on that tragic day ten years ago. Everyone has their story. But I think I'm going to cut it short and just speak about how the events of September 11th has made more of an impact on my life than I had ever imagined.

In the ninth grade, our history teacher spoke to us about the war and how he predicted it to be over in a couple of months. I had no idea that this same war would call on my husband who I had not yet met to serve. I did not know that I would spend many sleepless and lonely nights worrying about him. And I definitely did not predict to encounter so many others who will be deployed or even killed. There are people who are impacted by 9/11 every single day of their lives, not just today by an anniversary.

It amazes me when people complain about the new security protocol at airports, as if taking your shoes off and putting them in a plastic bin is really that much of a hassle. So what if you can no longer bring in liquids over three ounces? I don't even mind those x-ray machines if it means the prevention of a repeat attack. It's important to not forget the big picture here.

I am so grateful for men and women like my husband who are selflessly defending our country so that we don't have to relive that tragic day. Let's use this day to not only remember those who lost their lives, but to also thank the heroes who are still so sacrificing so much today.

Today and everyday, I am proud to be married to a Soldier.

Be Thou At Peace

Another edit: Please follow this link for Jordan's obituary. 


Edit: I realized today that my blog is the first thing that pops up when you Google Jordan's name. I'm terribly sorry to those looking for some sort of explanation to what happened as I do not know any details. For those grieving this great Soldier's death, I hope you can find some relief in the fact that you are not alone. I also hope that soon there will be press releases and news articles about Jordan instead of my blog as the top search result. He and his family deserve better.

A friend of The Hubby's from West Point was killed in Afghanistan yesterday. Spc. Jordan Morris was only 23 years old. We both found out about his death through our news feed on Facebook. What a way to find out such a thing.

I was in shock and in disbelief, so much so that I even tried to Google his name to see if this was indeed true. There was not a single article on his life or death. How is it that the passing of such a loved Soldier is not considered newsworthy?

I spent a few minutes crying uncontrollably. I had met Jordan May 2009 at The Hubby's graduation. He held the American flag while The Hubby and his best friend were being sworn in as Officers at Trophy Point. 

Although I probably only had thirty minutes of interaction with Jordan, he left a lasting impression on me. He was extremely outgoing, and I saw his admiration towards his two friends who had just graduated. I could tell that he was trying to say everything he could during the last moments he had with his buddies before they went on with their lives. Who knew when they would be able to see each other again?

I loved watching this interaction between my husband and another cadet friend, especially one that was younger. He seemed like such a kid to me, even though he was a few months older. It felt as if he was this little brother trying to get approval. Even in the short amount of time I spent with him, I could tell he had a wonderful sense of humor. 

I was somewhat surprised by my reaction this morning as I didn't truly know Jordan that well. I thought about his family and how they would have to try to overcome this great loss. I also thought about my husband.

Do I bring up Jordan's death to The Hubby or will he mention it first? If he doesn't say something, should I?

I wanted to be there for him, even if all I could do was hug him and sit by him. Instead, I had to comfort him over the internet. What could I possibly say to make this situation better? I knew he would be in pain, which made me feel pain. That's what happens when you get married to someone you love so much. You go through the same emotions. Hurt to happiness. You are one person.

And, of course, this just struck a little too close to home. The possibility of The Hubby getting harmed or killed has not been forgotten. Instead, I chose to push that to the back of my mind. I don't think that is an ignorant thing to do, but rather I think it is a survival mechanism. 

So many of our friends are deployed, and it terrifies me. How many more deployments will there be and can we all--those in the States and overseas--survive them?

Peonies

I splurged $5 for a bunch of pale pink peonies today. Peonies are my absolute favorite flower. Something about their delicate petals and the intricate way they fall together makes me swoon. I don't know how to describe the feeling I get when I see these beautiful flowers. The sight of them simply makes me happy. Peonies are more elegant than I will ever be.

Although I know that they will just die in a few days, especially in my warm home, I felt like I needed them in my household. I've placed them on my coffee table so that I can glance at them as I watch television or peer over my laptop.

My husband recently returned to Iraq after two wondrous weeks together. I will not see him again for another seven to eight months. I'm slightly confused by my emotions at this time. I must say that I am completely accustomed to saying goodbye at airport terminals. We have been at it for six years now. With Bella in the backseat, I dropped him off at the airport teary-eyed, but still resilient.

I kissed him numerous times, not wanting it to be our last. Embraces are always too short at these moments. My husband tried to say goodbye to Bella through the window, but she was so excited to be in the car that she barely let him pet her. This made me upset. Didn't she know that he was leaving?

How many times can I say, "I love you" before he would finally have to walk away?

He didn't look back at us. I always wait to see if he will look back, but he never does. I'm relieved that he didn't this time because I know that him seeing me in tears would have just make the situation even more difficult. It's important for me to remain strong for my husband so that he can fully focus on himself in a war zone.

I cried for no more than five minutes. I bawled only for five minutes. And then I pulled my shit together and drove the ten minutes home. I didn't crawl back into bed. I just went about my day. I had some ice cream before noon, but other than that my day was relatively normal.

I slept later than usual that night. My husband and I discussed our late sleeping habits--me in Texas and him in Iraq. "I don't want it to be the next day." Although we would be one day closer to seeing each other again, we didn't want to spend another day away from each other.

The first few days are always the easiest for me. In my mind, he is simply as work and I will see him soon. But some things trigger an uncontrollable emotional response.

I noticed some loose change in the cup holder of our car today. The Hubby always drops his coins there. Little things like that make me think of him and my heart drops. Today, I am thankful that he does not consistently throw his dirty clothes in the hamper. I found myself digging through his closet this evening to find something that smelled like him.

He purchased some bath gel in a "manly scent" at Bath & Body Works while he was home. That scent still lingers on the Fahrenheit 451 shirt he wore more than a week ago. It brings me comfort and a tinge of sadness with each sniff.

I miss my husband. We are in a perpetual long distance relationship. We know nothing else. But we are great together, even when we are thousands of miles apart.

Catch My Breath

source

RORY: I can’t catch my breath.                                        JESS: You’re not supposed to.

Why FRG Meetings Are Good

Free Girl Scout Cookies. I turned them down the first time. The second time, I was not so stupid.

Hi, I'm Calling From...

As well as being a FRG co-leader, I am also a Key Caller for our company. The role of a Key Caller is to quickly disseminate information when necessary. A Key Caller also acts as someone who handles situations at their level before it has to get to the FRG leader. Can you imagine being responsible for answering questions for over 130 families?

Most of my Key Callers have ten families on their roster. One wonderful gal has twenty because she wanted more. I have about seventeen. I've been making phone calls to each soldier's person of contact (POC) for the past week and a half, and it has been frustrating to say the least.

It's amazing to me that some people neglect to let their FRG know when they move. If we don't have the right information for you on file, then how will we be able to reach you if some disaster happens (knock on wood)? Even getting the right phone number is tricky business. Give us the right phone number, people! We aren't going to sell your information or anything like that. We just want to be able to reach you!

And it also surprises me how many people don't return phone calls. I have left about eight messages and only one person has returned my call. Sure, if I were trying to sell you something then I would understand you erasing my message right away/ But I'm calling from your grandson's/son's/cousin's/husband's unit. Aren't you at all concerned about what I have to say?

When I finally get somebody to speak to me, I am typically shocked by the bad manners I encounter. I understand that receiving a phone call from a complete stranger is awkward, but it is just as awkward for me, too. Do you think I want to call you? Do you think I get paid for this shit? I don't want to take up a lot of your time so can you at least be polite during our three-minute conversation?

But, thankfully, I also get to speak to family members who are easy to speak to. The nice ones are typically parents or grandparents. I can tell that they are just itching to talk to somebody else who can relate to what they are going through. They are the ones who thank me for what I am doing and ask me how I am doing.

"Thank you for your service. How are you doing? Sometimes people forget to ask how you're doing because you're always asking how everyone else is. I want to make sure that somebody is watching out for you."

Thank you, father of one of the soldiers in the company! Why, yes, sir! It is rather nice to know that somebody else cares. Because my soldier is deployed, too, dangit!

I know I sound like a completely awful person at this point, but I'm just really frustrated. I'm upset at people who are ungrateful for all the behind the scenes work we do for them. I'm astounded by the horrible manners some have over the phone. Is this because everyone texts now? Or am I just a ridiculously nice person who is thinking too highly of the human race?

To Do List Before The Hubby Comes Home

My husband is coming home for his R&R really soon and there's loads that I have to do in preparation for his arrival:

1. Scrub down bathroom. Pick up all the hair I've shed and didn't bother to pick up since there's no one else to disgust but myself.
2. Shave.
3. Recycle four month's worth of cardboard, Coke Zero cans, and bottles
4. Stock up the fridge and pantry with Paleo friendly items.
5. Make homemade Larabars and Paleo chocolate chip cookies.
6. Work out daily and stick with my diet. Today has been exempted.
7. Wash the sheets and make the bed.
8. Vacuum, sweep, and steam mop the floors.
9. Give Bella a bath.
10. Furminate Bella.
11. Swiffer again.
12. Clean the rest of the house.
13. Wipe down the car.
14. Clean the air filter.
15. Do laundry, including the sofa seat covers.
16. Paint my nails.
17. Figure out how to make my hair look good.
18. Attempt to sleep even though I will most likely be overcome with excitement.
19. Learn how to walk in heels.

I can't wait!